Chapter One: That’s Where It All Began
It all started with a ball. No, not the kind you are thinking. It was a good old Table Tennis ball. That’s where it all began. Everything, the whirlpool of feelings that it has gotten along with it. I smile a lot more these days, more often than not, it is to myself and people around wonder, “What’s wrong with her?” There is something about you, I just can’t stop thinking about. You know where it all started? That rooftop place? Where I was sure I was going to shiver to death, you gave me your hoodie. You had me there. In that one little act that you probably didn’t even think twice about.
You had me every time you came a little closer to tease me. You had me when you chose to drop me home, to make sure I reached home safe even when I was sober and could totally go on my own. Our kiss, how I wish I could remember it. Because I know it sparked something in me, some sorta electricity however short it was and then again you had me again when you stopped me that night.
When I say you are the nicest person I have met, I mean it. You had me every time we just look into each other’s eyes because I honestly can’t see anything else when you are around, when your smell is around. I know this is as cliché as it can get, but you had me every time you came near me and I could smell you. That captivating, enticing smell. The butterflies in my stomach fly too and I’m in a whole different world. Hell, I’m in a whole different universe.
Chapter Two: The Dancing Souls And The Sinking Nights
Every time we crossed paths at work and our eyes did that little dance that reached our mouths and we got the curve on our faces, you had me there. Every time I turned my chair around and saw you walking, I, just for a second, forget everything else and then I’m like “okaaaaaay so this is happening.” The thing that we used to do where we saw each other walking around or just sit at our desks and then text each other. Every time I got a text from you I looked up and I saw you walking around being your usual self and I couldn’t help but smile.
The day we were on my bike and I was driving you around, then you came ahead and leaned on me, and your beard was poking my shoulder. I was really hoping you didn’t see me in the mirror. Sinking feeling. Then to tease me, you held onto my waist and there I went sinking again. Sinking bad. Bad in a good way of course. In a very good way. The night you just held my hand and nothing else, you had me there. It was the night I was about to fall for you, the night I let go of your hand to see if you would hold my hand again and you did, right back and tighter, you had me there.
The night in the car, where I was sure I pushed your buttons, well I did push mine, but the literal kind, not the metaphorical kind and you were okay with it, you had me there. Every time you say “Hi”, your voice oh, your voice I don’t know what it did to me, what your voice did to me, what your smell did to me. Oh, your smell. I could give up the most intoxicating thing in my life for that and that too in a heartbeat.
Chapter Three: The Wild Heartbeats And The Shared Dreams
Oh, that reminds me! The heartbeat, it started with me making you feel mine and then it went on to me feeling yours. That night, my heartbeat raced up to 122( and I know this because I had the apple watch on me), you know why? Not because you were sitting beside me smelling like that, being yourself but you were also held onto my hand, you had me there again. My heart’s never raced so much, not even when I was in love. When we had to go for seven minutes in heaven you pulled me closer and kissed my forehead, you had me there.
The night where we just slept beside each other, just sleep, that’s a first for me to be honest. I felt so safe and sharing a tiny bed space didn’t seem problematic at all. I slept on your shoulder and I liked it more than I care to admit. It was the same night when it was dark and you still looked into my eyes, I guess there was enough light to see that. You looked at me and told me that I have pretty eyes, you had me there.
I never thought I would look forward to coming to work as much as I used to. Every time I saw you and I got that smile on, the smile I almost forgot I even had in me. I’m way past crushing now, it’s not just how you looked or how your smelt that got me, it’s you as a person, a good person in my life for a change. Remember the first day we went out and I told you, you’d run away if you get to know me and you just casually looked at me said you won’t unless I make you? You had me there.
Chapter Four: The Craziness Of Being With You
I don’t even know where to begin with the hugs. Oh, dear Lord! The hugs. How I wanted to hold on to you and never let go. The hugs, the warmth I haven’t felt in a really long time. The warmth and love I feel, not saying there was, just made me never want to let go of you every time we hugged. Oh every time we hugged, you had me there. I would have traded the hugs for just about anything. Because they gave me a kind of security that I haven’t felt. Ever. How I longed for it.
What drives me crazy is that’s not me. You were the kind of person I wanted in my life and in no other way, other than the way I did, then. The love I had for you was not the romantic kind I swear, at least not at first but I just can’t explain, I had never been able to explain or express the love I had for a person to the person. I still can’t. I’m the all or nothing kind. I so wish I remembered the conversation we had in the car that night, why did my stupid drunk brain have to black it out? The day I poured my heart out about everything that’s wrong with my life and you patiently listened to me, you had me there.
I love how you used to randomly say something nice about me, my instincts were to of course refuse it. But deep down my heart used to do somersaults. Every time you walked past me, and I can’t stress on this enough, it did something to me. My heart skipped a beat, well at least I’m guessing that’s what it did because I had that sinking feeling. The feeling I had after our first hug. Our proper hug at the rooftop place, I turned away if you remember. I couldn’t look at you because if I did you’d know you had me, you have me and I’ll never have you.
What happens when Love starts hurting? Follow this series with the next Episode Of Love Sick,
[VoxSpace Originals] Episode Two: The NOT So Lonely Night
[VoxSpace Originals] Episode Three: Three’s Always A Crowd