Chapter One: The Highs And Lows Of Life – And In The Midst Just You And I
Today I woke up in a good mood. I am happy. I am high. Today I am high on life. So I want to narrate a story, a story of a night. A good night, not the kind I had last night. It was the first time you came over. The time when you stayed the night. It was a fun night.
A night of games, food and, a kiss my brain didn’t black out. It was a fun game for the party, truth or dare. Yes, I had other people over. Though it didn’t seem like it. For me it was just you and I. It’s always been that way for me. When I see you, I don’t see anyone else, at least I didn’t see anyone else.
The night, it was one of those times, the away from office premises kind. The kind where you are not on your guard all the time and let loose a little. How I loved sitting all cuddled up next to you. Our game-night, Jenga. How you called it everything but Jenga. Then we played UNO, I won. Yay! But hey! You won too. Then began the ever deadly game of Truth or Dare. I finally have a kiss with you that I remember 100%, I remember all of it. I don’t have to say how I wish I could remember it again. Ever again. My decision to not drink paid off. It paid off really well. That lasted one minute. One minute of the dare. One minute of me trying to keep it together. Keep it all together. You know what makes me fall for you even more?
Chapter Two: The Truth Or Dare – The Shivering Hearts
When I got the dare to take my top off, I saw you look away. Not saying I didn’t notice you look this way. But it was just for a second and YOU LOOKED AWAY. I wouldn’t have judged you if you didn’t do that anyway. I just like and respect you a little more now. Okay, I like you a lot more now. Next was the dare where you had to take my top off. How your hands were shivering. That was literally the most adorable thing I have seen. I’m not kidding. Your hands were trembling for a while even after the dare was done. Why are you so cute?
The dare where you had to eat the chocolate off my belly button. Oh! How I could feel you on me. The one where I had to give you a love bite. How you panicked that it’d show. Why are you so cute? Then as the night proceeded and our energy levels started to go down and I just ended up lying on you. It felt nice. It feels safe around you. I told this to you too. I don’t know why. With others either I never cared or I wasn’t this comfortable. But with you I am. I feel like I belong. And again not in any other way but platonic. It’s probably the vibes you give. I don’t know whether you see it or not.
Every time our eyes meet. My insides go all haywire. The moment in the kitchen. I feel, at that moment I saw the wild side of you. The side you really control. And more often than not, succeed at it too. How you playfully take my hand and bite it or the day when you just took my hand and wiped your beard, you know how badly I was at a loss for words? The moment when I was feeding you? My heart just did a twirl. Did I ever tell you- “I like your beard! like a lot?” I really do. And when I feel it on me. Whether it’s on my shoulder like that day, my face or even on my belly button. I just let myself go. The time we spent on my bed. Just lying down and talking, inside one blanket. Am I starting to like to cuddle? Really? How did you do that? How did you manage to do that? The time you told me how you’d rather spend the whole day hugging me than do anything else to me.
Chapter Three: The Deceit And The Pulling Of The Strings
It really is sad when your fairy tale romance goes bad. Doesn’t it? When the random eye stares turn into lies. When you playfully touching my waist turns into me waiting outside the room while you take another girl into the room “to just talk”. That was another night I wish didn’t happen. The night I reached the lowest, the rock bottom. It wasn’t just 50 feet of crap after the rock bottom. There was so much more. The sad part is, I believed it, everything you said, everything you made me believe. You were the puppetmaster in my life. How naive can I get? How stupid can I get? Love isn’t blind, it’s retarded. At least I was. This was the time when it was you, me and, the other girl.
Little did I know that you were doing the same with the other girl all this time, what’s sad is that you never liked her in the first place. I still remember the time you refused to talk to me just because I got her along. You do remember that right? I don’t know what changed from not being able to stand her existence to going into a room with her while making me wait right outside the Goddamn room. How much ego boost did you get by doing that? By making me wait right outside the room while you did your business of ‘just talking’ with her? You liked it didn’t you? Taking turns with both of us. Got your stupid male ego at an ultimate high. How do you look at yourself? How do you sleep at night? I’m assuming soundly. Ruining someone’s peace so bad that they had a nervous breakdown. You must be feeling so good about yourself. Of course.
Chapter Four: The Journey Into The Moment Of Depression And Breakdown
You know you were the only one I reached out to when I was having a nervous breakdown, even though you were the very reason I was having it in the first place. But you do remember what your reply was, don’t you? Once it was my niece wants to play with my phone. And other, oh this time it was really serious btw, the night I wasn’t alone, it was the night when the voices in my head seemed like they were beside me, you said you can’t come because someone’s alone at home. Guess what? So was I, not so alone though.
It’s astonishing that someone in this age, where mental health is getting just as much importance as physical health, you can’t disregard it saying it’s bullshit. I remember all the comments you made about it. Quit going to the therapist, your problems are there only because of her. You saw how my health deteriorated, and the first thing that came out of your mouth was, I get it health is important but what problem do you have with her? Is that something you say to someone who’s opening up about their fucked up health to you? If yes, then Bravo, you turned out to be a super fine human being and me loving you was the best decision I have ever made.
Right now, I’m just waiting for you at our place with your scarf in my hand and contemplating whether meeting you after a long time is a good idea or not. And the moment I saw you walk in, I got my answer.
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