Scarred, But Not Scared

When we read or talk about abuse or addiction, the details emotionally move us, invoke empathy and as if automatically, make us count our blessings. As Rohita Sateesh, psychological counsellor points out, “our reaction to these events is sheer anxiety, a physiological reaction on our part- that this could happen to us or to someone close to us.” And perhaps we are so moved, that we pay less regard to what happens to the victim beyond the said narrative. We get so caught up in the negative and the sadness of the story, that most of us cannot recall how the survivor has moved on.

Like, after reading Pulitzer Prize-winning author Junot Diaz’s personal history published by The New Yorker- The Silence: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma’– I was so caught up in his trauma that I could not even remember that he is a successful author.

And like Diaz, despite their circumstances, many ‘victims’ are inspiring stories.

Survivor Stories Of Perseverance

Overcoming The Demon Called Addiction

Salma (name changed on request) has always been a top-notch student. She aced right through college and earned an MBA from a University in the US. She worked in M&A at a reputed world-wide accountancy firm and quickly climbed the ranks there. Armed with a well-paid corporate job and a vibrant social life, she is living the ‘American dream’ as they say. Currently, Salma works on contract and volunteers with NGOs.  Salma is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for over 2 years now.

She says, “Addiction is a disease, and the hardest thing is to accept that you have it.” She recalls, “I had a stressful job and drinking would temporarily numb me, but this in-turn contributed to my depression. It was hard to say ‘no’ in the beginning, but it gets easier.” Salma being a voracious reader and researcher studied her condition and chose to lead a more healthy and meaningful life. In the beginning, she relapsed frequently, but therapy and regular AA meetings helped build her resolve. Just as we were wrapping up our chat, she adds, “I am happy I am not losing time anymore.”

Not All Marriages Are Made In Heaven

A successful blogger, writer and corporate trainer, Neha Sharma Seth is a self-made woman currently living in Noida. Her confidence and vibrant personality shone brightly even over a telephone call. Hence, it was hard to believe when she said, “there was a time when I had lost all individuality”.  Neha is a survivor of domestic abuse. She chose to leave her abusive marriage fearing for the safety of her son. After her separation, she completed an MA in English and her passion lies in teaching. She is remarried and lives with her husband and son. Neha admitted that even when she was depressed, she never doubted her ability to provide for herself and her son. She believes, “every woman should be educated and financially independent, so they can face any eventuality in life.”

While Some Hurt, Some Help Rebuild

Mother to a new-born and to a 4-year-old, Suhashini’s days whizz past managing her two kids, picking up after them, doing housework and her online job teaching the English language to foreign students spread across the globe. Like any modern woman, she manages her hectic schedule and believes firmly in ‘good quality parenting of boys’. Her education, teaching work and love for adventure have taken her to the UK, Europe, Middle East, Australia, basically most of the world. Suhashini was sexually abused by her cousin since the age of 2.

She confides, “I was always very angry about it, and then I started having anxiety attacks when my elder one turned 2. I was losing control.” Through therapy and with family support, she’s firmly back in control of her life, feels much calmer and more mentally strong. She can never ‘get over’ what happened to her, but she “is not going to let it take over her life.”

Breaking Away From The ‘Cool Life’

“I was ready to die a drug addict, all my dreams- I wanted to be a teacher, a mother, was born to have a successful life- I was giving all that up”- this was Katherine Boulware in 2004. Cut to 2018- Katherine’s got a Master’s degree from the University of La Verne.  She works as an associate marriage and family therapist and at a methadone clinic in Los Angeles treating opiate addicts, and on Thursdays, she has a private practice. In her own words, she has “superseded the life she had ever dreamt of.” Katherine started using when she was 16 and is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic and has been sober for the past 6 years. She is a survivor. A mother to two little girls, she realizes that what she thought was her ‘cool life’ was anything but that. Her aim now is to take this realization and help others, especially struggling teenagers who find themselves in the same dark, broken and beaten place that she was once in. She emphasizes the role AA and therapy has played in curing her ‘disease’.

Her happiness and relief are palpable in her voice note when she says, “the bottom line is I am happy now. I am successful and I am blessed beyond belief.”

Rising Like A Phoenix

Meet Azia. I spoke with her after almost two decades. Her easy conversation style and sense of humour made me feel as if we had just spoken last week. She is a graduate in Computer Science and worked at Infosys for 6 years before moving to Auckland, NZ where she now works in logistics. She lives with her husband and two lovely kids. Azia is a survivor of sexual abuse, she was sexually molested as a child by a family friend. She says her initial feelings of anger and guilt soon turned to determination- determination to spread awareness through her story on this still taboo subject. She readily admits to having ‘subconsciously made self-defence barriers’ to avoid getting hurt again and that even though she can never forget or forgive, those past episodes don’t bother her as much anymore.

It’s Not JUST The Women

Vishnu Teja from Kurnool is like any regular 24 years old- he is planning out his career and is full of aspirations for his future. He graduated in biotechnology and wishes to pursue studies in wildlife conservation. Vishnu was sexually abused by his teachers since he was 4. In spite of his physical, mental and financial struggles, Vishnu is a meritorious student, a survivor and lays great emphasis on education and feels it is his knowledge that has helped him navigate through his tough times.

He says, “I must have been about 18 when I realized this was not my fault and there was no reason for me to be ashamed. I want to give a voice to all those boys who are suffering in silence. From all over India, at least 2000 men have reached out to me with their traumatic stories.”

In line with laws for women, he hopes that laws are formulated for sexual assault of boys and men as well. Personally”, he says, “while I can never forget or forgive, just an apology from the perpetrators would be enough for me.”  Vishnu’s positivity comes out when he emphasizes: “I cannot go back and change anything, but my life is for living”.

These people are among the many that refuse to become just a statistic. Despite the many challenges, just with their inner strength and willpower, they are ‘living up’ their lives.

These heroes teach us, “If we can, so can you”.