Dear Good Person,

How are you? More importantly, how has it been working out for you?

You don’t want to admit it, but I know it’s been a tad bit frustrating; I saw you smear your obnoxious relative’s cup with saliva before you poured tea into it.

Don’t fret, I am not judging you. In fact, I am glad! It means that there is still hope for you. I must ask you though. How did it feel after serving a saliva-laden cup of tea? Did it feel like you betrayed your goodness? Any regret because you did not turn the other cheek? Any guilt because you were impatient and succumbed to anger?

However, if you have also, at any point in your life, felt lost in a familiar city, stranded in terrible circumstances, isolated by people that were supposed to have your back or just apprehensive about the mysteries of people’s behaviour. Then continue reading.

About Being Lost In A Familiar City

Frankly speaking, the theory of goodness is like a determined arrow going straight for the bull’s eye. However, practically, it is a very complicated story. Perhaps, a story of the constant struggle between increasing annoyance, deterring pride and practising patience and goodwill.

And of course, contrary to your desperate assumption, your goodness is not at fault here; it is not misleading you and it is definitely not making you weak. Let me assure your heart, know that I am a bit more compassionate, resilient and unafraid of being hurt watching you spend each day practising compassion and resilience; and also by going through the history of your people, I have realised that you people make something good out of this world with your patience.

If anything, your bottled up feelings and emotions need a better outlet and management. The sneaking around, like the teacup incident, won’t do. Trust thy friend, soon you will start muttering words like “whatever” and randomly bearing hostile expressions. Then comes the silent treatments, sarcastic behaviour and advice, subtle insults and awkward jokes that thinly veil your judgement or anger. Lo! Transformeth has thee, into thy passive-aggressive, mean relative.

Try Some Confrontation, Assertiveness And Intimidation, Maybe?

An important phenomenon a good person needs to understand is that doing good deeds does not, somehow, guarantee that the Universe will constantly and in amazing ways strive to make your life easier. Even good people can lose it and make it tough for you. So the fact is, you are more likely to often find yourself in tricky situations or amongst immature, short-sighted, self-absorbed or simply foolish people… and here is why.

They take you for granted. You become an easy target. The reason is when in above-mentioned circumstances or with aforementioned people, a good person has two standard reactions – honesty or silence.

For instance, in discussions, you don’t have to accept others’ argument or opinion if you don’t actually agree with it. You don’t have to hold on to your opinion secretly and maintain an outward appearance of admission. You do it because in adopting any other way there is a possibility of conflict. Your aversion to conflict arises because in a good person’s mind there is a rule book of acceptable or appropriate behaviour that it has to abide by. Please burn it to soot… like right now.

Done?

Okay, now let me introduce to you confrontation, whose prerequisite is honesty by the way. In my travels, I have seen that either people resort to passive-aggressive confrontation or brutal confrontation (the kind which begins with loud voices, there is some name-calling in the middle and continues as scowls or glares for the rest of the life). However, there is a third one — the happy confrontation. One has to be honest and tell the other person that they are wrong with genial words and a lovely smile. One can use humour too. Explain with a humorous analogy. Be assertive but all the while being absolutely sure one is not being hurtful with words or tone.

And when they say something hurtful, tell them it is hurtful. Tell them in a short sentence and neutral tone, it is hurtful. A suggestion for you, develop a confrontation-stare; practice it before a mirror until you have nailed it. Everyone should have it though, it is intimidating. Mine is a stern stare with a little indescribable emotion lingering around. Sometimes when I feel sarcastic, I let a tiny smile play on my lips.

It is all about being vehemently honest and not vulnerably honest. Notice that, I am only showing you a more productive use of your honesty and silence. And people can be persistent. So, if they continue to be hurtful, walk away. Imagine walking away in a generic but confident way, as they look on. Then someone turns on the slow-motion, wind picks up and music too in the background with each of your purposeful steps. Silence is beautiful. You can break into a ‘happy-proud-saunter’ once you are out of the view.

Because by being courageous enough to confront, by being assertive and by using the subtle art of intimidation, a good person has effectively demonstrated, that they ain’t gonna take s**t (pardon my Shakespearean, S’il Vous plait).

About The Mysteries Of People’s Behaviour

And that brings me to my main point — why do you think you have to tolerate immature people warped by their insecurities and delusions? Why do you greet them sweetly, listen to them absent-mindedly and are patient with their small and big nuisance?

By entertaining them, you are encouraging them. When you get close to them, people will try to take advantage of you, put you in difficult situations to bail themselves out and they treat the way their erratic moods allow them too.

Here I would like to quote Chester Bennington, “They live like they do nothing wrong. They live like they are someone. But they live what they learn.”

Choose to be with fellow good people. They are hard to find, but they are around. Goodness is about keeping the peace, it is about patience, about being polite, being dignified, and it is about tolerating; but one has to choose a way that doesn’t involve undue sacrifices or unmanagable frustration.

Quoting Chester Bennington again, “The less you hear, the less they speak.”

And anyway, these days there is too much- distorted buzz, it is your voice that the world needs to hear. Don’t let it die out of politeness.

So, ready to walk on a different path? But until you get a hang of it, I would suggest, from my personal experience, you guard your goodness a bit, don’t wear it on your sleeve. Be a little unyielding. Remember, mystery can be just as attractive.

Your Friend,

Bada